Sunday, November 28, 2010

In which I come to be Lord of Tegel Manor

So, it’s not every day that a guy from the streets like me becomes lord of the manor, right? I could hardly believe my good fortune, if I hadn’t made it myself with some marked cards and loaded dice. Sir Runic Rump was a decent enough sort, a noblemen who had fallen on hard times. He wasn’t too high-and-mighty to drink in the pub, not too aloof to play a game of chance with me. He was downright sympathetic, compared to some of them blue bloods. Anyhow, long story short. He got in over his head and decided to stake the family manse on a full house. Poor guy nearly cried when he saw the four Queens I was holding. Still, it was like a burden had been lifted from him. I gave him a few dozen gold to get by, and he practically skipped out of there, but not before he warned me that some of the manor’s former inhabitants still walk the hallways.

Great.

So I decide to go up there the next day. Of course I don’t go alone. I did not get to where I am by being naïve or stupid, right? So I call up the gang that helped me clear the Caves of Chaos a month ago. They weren’t exactly thrilled to hear from me, after what I had done with the treasure, but I sold a good line about Tegel Manor, promising them a base of operations and a share of the goods. Just in case you forgot their names, here’s a handy scorecard:

1) Qual Dunithor. I never had a lot of patience for Dwarves. They’re coarse, they smell of mildew, and they have a charge-and-smash mentality that subtler sorts like me have a hard time understanding. Despite all that, I sort of like Qual. He is what he is, and he makes no excuses. In all our time in the caves, he never once let us down, and he put his beard on the line to get me out of more than one scrape. Last I heard, he was considering becoming a priest of Moradin. Good for him, I say.

2) Evrian Willowdale. Every party needs an elf, right? And guess what his favored weapon is. No, guess. Did you guess…a bow? Yeah, Ev is pretty much your average Elf archer. He likes to sneak around and shoot and things from positions of safety. Not only is that my gig, it bespeaks a certain lack of courage on his part, don’t you think? Anyhow, the best you can say about Ev is that he is not chatty. He likes the loot and all, but I’m not sure why he hangs out with the rest of us, since he never seems to enjoy the adventure.

3) Speaking of enjoying adventure, you have to hand it to Aleandra. That crazy Amazon bitch is more pirate than I could ever hope to be. Qual might be brave, but Aleandra is totally insane, the way she charges enemies with that pole-axe thing of hers. And she makes the chain-mail bikini look work for her. Not once have I heard her complain about how cold and uncomfortable her armor is, and not once have I heard her remark how it leaves her belly totally unprotected? Have I mentioned that she is totally hot? So I’ll shut up about the armor now.

4) I saved Sorel Abignale for last. Little prick. We let him join our team because we needed a mage and because he was having daddy issues and needed to get out of the house. Anyhow, whatever his gifts as a wizard, he has been a pain in my ass ever since we took him on. He immediately tried to turn the party against me, sabotaging my chances with Aleandra (and I have my suspicions that he has used various charms on her to win her favors). I can barely get near a treasure chest now without four pairs of eyes on me to make sure I don’t pocket anything. As if that little asshole were not as greedy and selfish as I am.

Anyhow.

So my name is Quinn and I am a thief. Not a ‘rogue’ or an ‘expert treasure hunter.’ I like to call things what they are, so I might as well start with myself. I sneak around, pick locks, and grab as much loot as I can. Anyone who gets in my way ends up with a blade in the back. That’s all I ever pretended to be. If you want to judge me for that, it’s your right. But this group needs me, and not just as their new landlord. If it wasn’t for me, the group would have gone their merry ways after our first foray into the Caves. I’m the one who pushed us on to fight nastier foes and take their treasures. If I hadn’t lost everything in that mining swindle, we would all be set up for retirement now, and that’s the honest truth. So now I’m giving them another opportunity, and whatever they think of my skills or my character. They all signed up for another tour.