In which my adventure concludes

I gave Qual a little tickle in the tummy and sent her on her way. Sorel had moved behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I want in," she said.

"Excuse me?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, there's no way I can fight you, and I figure you couldn't screw up the world any more than it is now."

"That's it? No recriminations about my subversion of free will? No threats to destroy my evil reign of terror?"

Sorel laughed. "It's perverted, but hardly evil. I don't think you have evil in you, Quinn. Or Tama Hama. Or whoever you are."

"Quinn."

"Well, Quinn, I'm still Sorel. And I despite everything that happened I'm still the same person who set out on this adventure a month ago. And you know why I joined our little party, right? I wanted power. And while I always assumed I would find it in some dusty manuscript or some glowing relic, I have found it. It's not what I imagined, but it's in you. In us. Quinn, you're about to change the world, and I want to get in on the ground floor."

"Are you sure? Because there are bound to be powers who will try to stop me that we haven't even considered yet."

"It doesn't matter. I like who I am now. I like how I feel now. I like being a woman." She cupped her magnificent breasts which were identical to mine. I really needed to take more time to admire our racks. "What you're doing...well, it's kind of how."

She grabbed me by the hands and looked into my eyes. "But there's more to it, Quinn. Even if you wanted to turn the whole world into donkeys, I would stand by you. I care about you. I love you. I'm so glad it was you that found this power."

And just like that, I had my first follower.

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Epilogue

Sorel and I made love for a month. With immortal bodies that needed neither food nor sleep, we could focus on what was really important. Even without using my powers, we could bring each other to heights of bliss and remain in that state for hours. I used my transformative powers to try out some really freaky stuff, adding limbs, sex organs, and even trying sex as entirely new species. Always we came back to the form of the goddess, for in it we found perfection. We could feed off of each other's pleasure, and use it to fuel our own orgasmic joy.

I would have gone on for centuries, but it was Sorel who reminded me that a month had passed. I was curious to see how the world was progressing towards the wonderland I had imagined. Gathering Ev and Aleandra, who had done a great job of rehabilitating the manor over the past month, I closed my eyes and wished us to Viridistan. Viridistan was the largest city in the world. It was about a thousand miles to the west, and it was a major cult center of Tama Hama. Somehow, it seemed fitting.

When I opened my eyes we were there, in the great public square in front of the palace. It was the middle of the day and, as expected, it was crowded with people. But what people! Every single person in sight was a beautiful woman, each so lovely that the old Quinn would have killed just to be in their presence. Each had an angelic face, a slender, lithe figure, and impossibly large and round breasts. Most were human, but I also saw all varieties of elves, some cat-girls, and even a few centaurs. Mermaids frolicked in the public fountains. Several fairies buzzed about, each identical to the form I had given Qual, sprinkling dust which would ensure these beauties would stay young, healthy and gorgeous forever. And everywhere I looked, these lovelies showed affection to each other. Even as they went about their business, strangers kissed as they passed. Merchants and their clients fondled each other. And there was no taboo against couples making love in the streets. I could feel myself growing aroused at the sight of my earthly paradise.

But then everything seemed to stop as the throng grew aware of my presence. They knew me for what I was, and they bowed to me. The busiest city in the world grew quiet, awaiting my proclamation. I amplified my voice and addressed them.

"People of Viridistan, my people, you please me with your beauty. Now please me with your bodies and your lust. Your pleasure will be my power, and my power will be your eternal joy. Today is a day of celebration!"

And with those words, strangers fell upon each other in a mob of passion. A city of sixty thousand became one giant orgy. Ev and Aleandra were going at it at my feet, and Sorel embraced me from behind, grabbing my nipples and nibbling my ear.

It was good to be the goddess.

In which I improve a dwarf, and lay my plans for the world

"Qual, give it up. You know you can't win," I said, as calmly as I could. I was always quick on my feet. With my apotheosis, Qual's swings seemed to come in slow-motion. I could have turned his axe to a swarm of butterflies, I could have changed Qual's mind for him, but I wanted this to play out. One willing convert would have been nice. All I had to do was step out of the way of what looked like lazy, slow swings of Qual's axe.

"Then I shall make a statement!" Qual said boldly. "I shall go down swinging against evil incarnate."

I sighed. There was just no pleasing some people. I decided to emply some of my power, so that with each swing of his weapon, Qual became smaller and slighter. A swing at my head, and he was suddenly too small for his armor. breastplate and greaves fell clattering to the floor. Another swipe at my midsection, and Qual's midesction clenched in while his hips flared out. His loincloth hung limply over where his member used to be. A final desperate attempt to cleave me in two saw two round, firm breasts appear on his chest and his facial features turn dainty and feminine. Now too frail to hold his axe anymore, Qual dropped his weapon and fell to his knees, sobbing. He, or rather she, was barely a foot tall. I picked the former dwarf up and cradled her in my arms.

"You monster!" she said through her tears, her voice little more than a squeak.

"There, there," I replied, stroking Qual like a doll. Within seconds, Qual was soothed, Exhausted, she fell limp in my grasp. I offered a nipple to her, and she began to suck. I let some of my milk flow into her thristing mouth. At least, i think it was milk. It was like I was giving her some of my essence as nourishment. I stroked her back as she drank, and two gossamer wings grew from her shoulderbaldes. Her limbs grew even more delicate, and in minutes Qual had completed her transformation into a pixie, albeit one that appeared topheavy with melon-sized breasts, were she normal height.

"Wake up my little fairy," I said, and Qual looked up at me, trusting and adoring. "Feel what it is like to fly."

Qual stretched her wings tentatively, then leapt into the air. She squealed with joy, and was soon looping and swooshing around our little group. Everywhere she flew, little gold sparkles drifted to the ground.

"So what's with the pixie dust?" Sorel asked. She had been quiet through the whole battle with Qual.

"It's Qual's way of delivering my blessing. Wherever it lands on plants, or in water, or on feed for livestock, it will transform any humanoid who partakes of it."

"So she's going to change the world, one village at a time, into your lesbian playground?"

"Faster, actually," I said. "When I reshaped Qual, I made her pregnant. Soon she will lay a thousand eggs. Her daughters will spread out over the earth. The world should be changed to meet my desire in...twenty-seven days." Higher math was so much easier with a divine intellect.

In which I get offered the chance of a lifetime. Or many, many lifetimes.

So if you asked me to describe what the realm of Tama Hama was like, I would throw a bunch of meaningless metaphors at you. What I saw and heard and smelled was beyond anything my senses could comprehend, and any words I used to describe what I did comprehend would fall far short of the essence of the place. So let me simply say that it was lush. Every sense of mine was exploding with pleasure at the same time. I wouldn't quite call it joy, for it was a physical rather than a spiritual contentment. It was a physical pleasure both refined and explosive, and all parts of my body thrilled at once. In Tama Hama's realm, there was no up nor down, just sheer pleasure of being.

Then she was before me. I saw a reflection of myself (and Sorel) but I also saw every image of female beauty I had ever seen or dreamed. There was no doubt I was in the presence of a goddess. I know I should have been terrified, but I knew beyond all doubt that she was my goddess, and that I was thoroughly her worshiper.

When she spoke, it was pure sound, spoken directly to my soul, raising me to a new plateau of exquisite pleasure.

"You are the first mortal to cross this barrier in many centuries. Why have you come?" I knew she already knew the answer. She could read it directly from my soul, but I also knew that my response was an important part of the ritual dance we were going through.

"I needed to cleanse a house of an evil taint. Your shrine was neglected and forgotten, until my friend Sorel awakened it. When I awoke in this body, I knew who you were, and what had to be done to restore you to your place in the world."

"Your friend agreed to accept my gift. You did not choose to become my servant. Yet you are here and he is not. Do you know why?"

I didn't really. There was no need to answer. The goddess continued.

"You are here because I chose you. Since the beginning of time, you have always been the one who would carry my power back into the world. All of your life has led you to this point: winning the manor, discovering my shrine, your transformation. But your destiny is yours to embrace only if you choose to embrace it."

"I can go back?"

"I can return you to what you once were. Your destiny would be your own for the first time in your life. You would be a man again, free to choose your path and win your fortune. You would live, win glory, and die. But if you choose to become my vessel, all of my power will be yours. You and I shall be one. We shall walk the mortal realm forever, bringing the joy of lust and desire where it is needed."

"Do I need to answer now?"

"You cannot leave here until you do."

I knew there was no point in delaying. My mind had been made up before I even came to this place.

In which Sorel and I check out each others goodies

Well, Sorel was the only one who wanted to talk with me about what I went through. She took it upon herself to make me comfortable with my body. Well, our bodies. Whatever. So we went to our spot on the cliff and she strips naked and encourages me to do the same. i don't know what I was thinking, but I did it. Damn, but we looked hot. I suppose if I had to give up my scarred old body, this would not be a bad second choice. And Sorel was giving me that look again. It was clear that her feelings hadn't changed.

In which this whole adventure stops being funny

I wish I could say that things seemed more clear in the morning, but I was as confused as ever. Part of me clearly had no problem looking at Sorel as a romantic partner. But what if she ever turned back? I don’t think I could take that degree of awkward. And every time I thought I had my mind made up about the situation, a little nagging doubt brought me right back to my state of confusion. Worse, my confusion was starting to have an effect on my professional life. I fell into a pit trap and nearly skewered myself on a javelin that fired out of a door. Good thing I ducked—it was dripping with poison.

Well, we finally opened the trapped door so that we could explore the last (and tallest) tower. We find a lab filled with alchemical equipment and a library with hundreds of books. A little bit of the old Sorel emerged and she practically started drooling at the knowledge she could gain from this place. She did not even have a second to explore when the owner of this place made himself known. It was a lich, taking a chemical bath in a vat the size of a rowboat. That’s right. You heard me. A fucking lich.

Well, I did my best to be polite, as the last thing we wanted was to make him angry. He was already pretty steamed at the way we barged into his private abode, so we told the story of how Sir Runic gave us ownership of the place. Well, the lich’s attitude changed after that. He was also a Rump, Ridwick, but his claim to the Manor ended when he died. He said there had to be a living owner of the manor, but as long as we left him alone to his rest and research in the tower, we had nothing to her from him. Qual wanted to put conditions on the promise, like no experimenting on sentient beings, but I knew when to cut a deal, so I cut the dwarf off and shook the lich’s bony hand. Oh, there was one other little condition we had to recover a stone for him called the Heart of Darkness that had been lost under the manor. Seems he can’t go look for it since his teleport gate only functions for the living.

Well, of course I had misgivings, but I would have agreed to anything in order to get out of there. Old Ridwick could have toasted us in less than a minute, and we could not even have made him break a sweat. So Ridwick leads us up a few levels in the tower to a magic mirror in his quarters and we all step though. When we step out, we are in a cold damp chamber, doubtlessly deep underground.

Our first priority was to find a way back up. Our plan was to find the Heart then go have it evaluated. If it was not some key to an evil plan that would blot out all life in the planet, we would keep our word and turn it over to Ridwick. Otherwise, we would toss it in the ocean and leave Tegel for good.

So the dungeon turns out to be something of a pushover. We run into a bunch of skeletons and zombies that take us all of ten seconds to put down. We find some stairs up and a tribe of goblins. In a way it was cathartic to be fighting goblins again. We butchered several dozen of them without taking any serious injuries. My dragon scales were pretty secure protection, and just to change things up a bit I played at being a fighter for a while. The goblins guarded an escape tunnel that led to the beach, so we were double sure that we had a way out.

We also found some stairs down, and since we were all still feeling pretty good, we decided to press on. On the next level down, we started meeting some serious challenges—ghouls, a wight or two, and a pack of boars. No idea how the pigs survived in this steamy hole, but they proved to be the toughest of the lot. I took some pretty bad hits, and Ev was torn up pretty bad, too. I think I’m done playing fighter for a while.

It was about this time that we noticed that Golem had gone. Sorel said good riddance, but I felt kind of responsible for her. I wanted to go look for her, but the others thought that she wasn’t worth it. That made me kind of mad. Just because I brought her to life didn’t mean that she wasn’t alive, or that she wasn’t worth saving. The others pointed out that she hadn’t done a whole lot to help us, and I said that wasn’t the point, since Ev barely did anything to help us and we kept her around. Well, I meant that as a joke, but Ev gets all upset. Naturally, Aleandra sides with Ev and they both turn into unicorns so they can wave their big horsey asses at me. Sorel sides with the amazon twins since she never liked Golem in the first place, and Qual sided with the girls since he’s been kind of a dick since the whole werebear incident.

So I set off on my own to find Golem, just to show that I could have principles, too. It took a while, but I found a secret door that she must have slipped through. That door led down into some kind of natural sauna, where a pool of boiling water surrounded a small island. There, in the center of the little island, was Golem. She must have flown out there, because it looked too far to jump. She seemed happy to see me, but no amount of coaxing could get her to fly back to me.

So I decide to jump out to her. It was a stretch, but I’m pretty athletic, and I knew that I had jumped greater distances before. I sailed across the boiling water with no difficulty, landing right next to Golem. The one thing I hadn’t counted on was the slippery rock on the island. I remember seeing the look of surprise on Golem’s face as I slid right past her, completely out of control until I plunged into the boiling water on the far side.

I remember intense pain, pain that shot through my entire body, making me spasm in agony to such a degree that I could not muster the control needed to swim to the surface. I could feel my skin scald and blister. I screamed, and with the scream boiling water entered my body and began to cook me from the inside out. Then it became too much, and all of my sensations just dissolved into a white light that washed over me, ending the pain and the feeling of being cooked alive.

And then, a moment later, I was looking down at my body through the water. I could no longer feel the heat or steam in the chamber. All I could feel was sadness at seeing my dead, blistered body under ten feet of boiling water. Then I felt anger that my brilliant career had ended in such a clumsy and ignominious manner. Then, I felt confused, since I was dead and still having these thoughts. There was no “step into the light,” no greeting a warm and welcoming divinity. I was still here, in this world. And I was quite clearly still standing in the island, with a real physical body, staring down at my corpse past my…

Breasts. Big, round beautiful naked breasts, of the sort I used to love to ogle. But there they were, hanging on my own chest, and a little farther down, there was a small patch of blonde pubic hair where my “Dagger of Piercing” used to be. I knew the body that I now wore, although I had never seen it from this angle. I had become Golem.

In which a member of our party transforms into a total babe. Again.

Well, I’m no longer a tiger. I had one more night with the wench (named Hazel, if you’re interested), and she started to make plans about the two of us running off to the City-State or some nonsense. Well, we had plans to go see the priestess the next day, so that pretty much settled it for me.

We had to sit through some long, boring sermon about the White Lady before the priestess would cure us. We nodded along and smiled, and by lunchtime, the damage from the wights was gone, Ev was no longer a walking leper, and I had my beautiful face back. We were also out one precious idol, which paid for all that benevolence. On the whole, our take was pretty weak. Split five ways, I was beginning to doubt our ability to do serious renovations.

We took a day off to rest and regroup, and on the next day we arrived bright and early at the manor. Then we went straight for the front door this time. The foyer was nice, but apart from some more animated portraits, there was not too much of interest. We headed east, right into the…torture chamber. Classy. Sorel started making some suggestive jokes, and I swear both of the amazons were flirting with him. Qual and I rolled our eyes, but then suddenly, some chains in the center of the room animated and grabbed the girls (yeah, I think of Ev as a girl now) and tried to drag them into a pit. Qual cut through them with an axe, and I used my tools to break through some of the other links. That seemed to quiet the chains, but we were in a hurry to get out of there.

We were in another twisty part of the manor, where rooms and corridors seemed to appear with no logical sense. We found a bedroom with all the accoutrements of a knight, including the suit of armor. Turns out there was a skeleton inside who loved to shout insults at us, but because the armor was rusted in place, he could not move. Here is a sample of his craft:

Qual: “You half-sized hairy melon!”

Aleandra: “You beaver-eating poison-spewing harridan!”

Evrian: “You drag queen!” (how did he know?)

Sorel: “You perverted powdered unman!”

Yeah, it said stuff about me, but since I’m writing this journal, you don’t get to hear anything about it.

The next room was set up with a tea service. There was a black pudding slopping around in there, too. Puddings are easy to kill if you take your time and keep your distance, and, Qual excepted, we were a pretty fast-moving party. We took it out without getting a scratch on us.

We found a harem, which sounds better than it was. It was decorated all eastern-style, which I approve of. There were about a dozen girls there, all phantoms, but all were pretty hot. They made us feel comfortable, and I would not have minded staying. Indeed, Sorel agreed with me on this and I could tell that the girls were getting into it too. But Qual threw water on our little party and made us get out of there fast. Turns out there was a magical sleep effect starting up, and we nearly passed out before we could get through the door.

Once again, we found a wing of the house we could not get to, so we knew a secret door was somewhere. This time, we found it without too much trouble. The room on the other side was lavish, with wall carvings and murals to make us feel like we were in a forest glade. Incense and bells made us feel at peace. There was a magic carpet floating on the far side of the room. I decided to give it a ride, but somehow the controls were jammed, and it started spinning uncontrollably when I tried to sit on it. Ow. There was also an altar that had two voluptuous angels engaged in carnal acts on it. Sorel found that particularly interesting. We could see him studying them carefully, but trying to look like he was only casually looking at them. Later, we found out that they had magical writing on them that promised immortality. Sorel found an inscription that asked “Do you want to live forever?” so he puts his hand on one of the sculpted boobs and shuts “YES!”

Well, guess what? Did you think anything in this manor was going to be straightforward? Sorel starts to transform. Really, I have no idea what he was thinking, not just touching a statue but falling for so obvious a ploy. His clothes disintegrate, and for a moment we get to see the wizard in all his spindly glory. Then his hips flare, his chest swells, and his pecker withdraws into his torso. The hair on his body falls off, and his skin becomes perfectly smooth and radiant. His limbs become lithe and toned, and his face reshapes into an image of feminine beauty. Sorel’s hair erupts like a waterfall down his back, turning bright gold. In the end, he looks exactly like one of the angels, boobs, wings, and all. Stark naked, of course. Sorel is also immortal, just like the statue offered, so I’m just about thinking that Sorel got a sweet deal when Qual says something like “Oh, fuck me.” Right there, in front of all of us, Sorel starts to fuck Qual. The dwarf was freaked (he’s not gay, he’s just a dwarf) but Sorel was horrified. Turns out that he (now she) can live forever, but only as an avatar of the lust goddess to whom this temple was dedicated, Tama Hama or something. For the rest of her eternal life, Sorel will have to do whatever kinky suggestion is made of her. Except for me apparently. Turns out I’m the one person whose commands Sorel can ignore. Just my luck. It’s like the universe doesn’t want me to have fun.

So, I have to wonder, what’s the deal with the gender-swapping traps in this place? The Rump family must have had some serious kinks, if you ask me. And now this winged-bimbo maker belongs to me. I have to admit, more than a few devious plans floated across my mind. How hard would it be to convince gullible guests to touch the statue. In a few days, I could have a huge harem of busty angels, catering to my every whim. Could I be that evil? Well, I suppose we won’t know until I try, will we?

In Which Sorel Also Finds Out That the Manor Has a Pervy Sense of Humor

So once again we’re standing in front of Tegel Manor. It’s a day later, our base camp in the outbuilding is a little better provisioned, and we are the only adventuring party in the world that has identical twin amazons. All day long, they thought it was funny to switch weapons, since that was the only way to tell them apart. It’s not like I ever told any deep dark secrets to either of them, so I saw it as a joke. Sorel, on the other hand, seems even more hot and bothered than usual. Qual sees the whole episode as a meaningless distraction. He just wants to get back into the manor, kill some things, and take their stuff.

We entered by the back door again and decided to check out some of the doors along the long hallway. The first room contained a long-dead orc hanging from the ceiling and some giant rats. Not much challenge there. The room to the south was a bit more of a challenge. In what had been a bedroom, there was a Black Pudding. We had fought oozes before, and we knew what to do, but that did not make it any easier. We knew that the slimy creature would corrode any weapon we hit it with, so we all switched to backup arms. With flame and club, we beat it down. Of course it split into smaller blobs, so that made teamwork really important. Aleandra and Qual both got slimed on her legs, leaving really nasty injuries. Potions helped put them right.

There was a statue of a woman in that room, a real looker. Qual went to check it out once his leg was better, and you could tell that it was magical when he went all rigid upon touching it. A second later, he was talking in such an imperious manner that even Sorel took offense. Then there was the sashaying. Dwarves don’t sashay. Ever. So, duh, do you think he was possessed? We had to give our dwarf a beat-down to subdue him. When we got him to speak clearly, he said that he was Rhian the Remorseless, a Rump from a century before. She was the babe depicted in the statue. I convinced her that she really didn’t want to be a dwarf, but that we would find a suitable host body for her. I told her about the hot serving wench in town whose body she could use. She didn’t really have a choice, as she had a whole party ready to slay her. She went back to the statue. Then we smashed it. I mean, really. Don’t fuck with my dwarf.

The next room was artificially chilly. It was a well-preserved bedroom. This one had a wax effigy of Rhian on the bed. We did not touch it. If I got one lesson from Tegel Manor it was this: DON’T TOUCH ANY FREAKIN’ STATUES!

The next room was even colder. It contained a bunch of weapons, some of which detected as magic. We stashed them—a hand-axe, a dagger, and a short sword—for later. The door slammed shut behind us, and we faced the unpleasant prospect of freezing to death. Judicious application of brute force on the door eventually opened it. I suggested to the Amazons that we huddle together for warmth. I’m not sure which one of them kneed me in the nuts, but it was totally uncalled for.

A giant frog was in the next room. Why, I don’t know. We were far from a swamp. But I had given up on using logic to make sense of my manor. As if to reward me for my suspension of disbelief, the slimy bastard nearly ate me. I found out what the inside of a frog looks like, and I got bludgeoned as Qual and Aleandra cut me out.

The next room was kind of cool, if somewhat frustrating. It was nothing but quarters for the servants, but it looked like someone had trashed it. Turns out that gravity periodically reversed in there. So we fall up. We fall down. We fall up. We fall down. We fall up... well, you get the picture. We eventually caught on, too. I sort of want to keep that enchantment when I take over this place. Could be fun, in the right circumstances.

We found a grisly trophy room next, where two giant beetles were hiding inside a stuffed octopus. Not too much trouble. A painting in the next room came to life. It was a battle scene, and a few arrows came flying out of it. One hit Sorel. I thought that was funny. In response, he threatened to turn me into a pig.

Next we find a chapel or something, off that hall with the talking pictures. Not much to say about it. No lingering evils or bound demons to menace us. We did find three magical animal masks—a falcon, a wolf, and a tiger. Sorel convinced me they were safe, so I tried the tiger mask on. OF COURSE I couldn’t get it off, and it transformed my face so I look like a tiger. On the plus side, it made me stronger and quicker. On the down side, I had to put up with the laughter of everyone else. I said it was a good time to go back to town. Everyone reluctantly agreed. So it looks like our little camp is never really going to see any use if we keep getting transformed like we do.

In which Ev getws a new start as an Amazon babe

Well, the next day could have gone better. We found a priestess in town who had the ability to dispel curses and evil magic. She was a doddering old grandma’, but the locals spoke highly of her. She certainly seemed to know her curses. Anyhow, she spends the better part of an hour looking at Evrian, then comes out and tells us there’s nothing she can do. There’s no trace of magic left on her to dispel. In other words, the statue didn’t just polymorph Ev, it completely changed her essence. Without a wish or a miracle, Ev was going to be stuck as an Amazon babe.

(Have I mentioned that I was not complaining? Sorel seemed happy with the situation, too. )

Ev went completely off the deep end. She even cried, right there in front of us. Then when I pointed out it was a girly thing to do, Aleandra goes and belts me in the mouth. Then they both start bawling. Gods. Ev is more upset about being human than about the sex change (I’ll stand by my remarks re: Elven androgyny). I guess I could see where she was coming from. Elves live for centuries, so becoming human for her would be like a human losing 50 years of their lifespan. I’m not so sure about Amazons, though. I’ve heard that they are a separate race altogether. No-one has ever seen an old Amazon, so maybe they age differently than the rest of us. Anyhow, so then I go and point out that Ev will have to get used to the same mortal span as the rest of us, and both the Amazons slugged me. For a second, I was facing down a wall of boob. It was worth it, at least until the pain started.

Well, no-one thought much of my plan to go back to the manor that night. So we paid for rooms and stayed at the inn. Aleandra had a long talk with Ev that night, and they shared a room. I don’t know what girl-talk they shared, but Ev was in a much better mood the next day. She even laughed more than she used to (and certainly a lot more than Aleandra ever did). Aleandra insisted that we refer to Ev as her sister from that time on. I caught them holding hands a few times and caressing each other when they thought we weren’t looking.

Yeah, I’m the pervert. I think Sorel is going to die of nosebleeds.